Action-packed day!

My co-worker told me I needed to write about my busy day today on my blog. I think she thinks I'm straight up nuts at 39 weeks pregnant. So here it is:

I ran home during my lunch break as usual, and laid out everything for the wedding I was going to attend after work. I was so busy rushing around doing little chores, I didn't really eat lunch, and I tried to leave to go back to work early so that I could leave work a touch early today. So I ran out the door, turning the lock and as soon as I got outside (with my leftover chinese food in hand that I didn't have time to eat) I realized:

I'm locked out and my keys are in the apartment!

Josh was working downtown -- no car. I had it, but no keys.

I whipped out my phone, called work to tell them I'd probably be late coming back (of course everyone I call thinks I'm calling because I'm in labor). Then I call my friend who keeps our spare key. Funnily enough she had texted me at the beginning of my lunch break to offer me a ride to the hospital if I needed it today. But when I tried to call her to get my spare key, no answer.

Good thing I didn't need a ride to the hospital! Haha! :)

They live about a mile and a half away. Without another thought, I set down my chinese food and set off for their apartment with just my purse and beverage (it was muggy -- wait, sort of sprinkling) on foot. I am sweaty immediately. I text Josh to see if he has my friend's husband's phone number. He does and I try calling him -- no answer. Josh is slightly concerned for me. I'm walking to their house and maybe they are not there! I try calling other friends who live really nearby to see if anybody is just chilling at home and wants to pick up a pregnant girl in her LifeWay uniform. No answer.

As I walk, I make 12 back-up plans. They were all pretty good. I know other people who live in the same apartment complex I was walking to. I'd try their house first. If they weren't home, I'd go through my cell-phone starting with whomever lived closest/would be willing to come fetch me. I did not plan to walk home again! Someone could drive me downtown to get my key from Josh OR to our church because I knew our friends would be going to the wedding and maybe I could track them down there to get my key.

Well, as it turns out as I walked up the drive at my friend's apartment complex, her husband was coming out to look for me. The rain streamed down RIGHT when I got in the car. It took all of 2 minutes for him to drive me back to my house, and let me run in to grab my keys.

I was back to work only a half-hour late.

Now, wouldn't that be WAY more exciting if, say, my water broke as I walked forlornly down Brownsboro Road?

Not what I hoped to accomplish during my lunch break, but as CJ Mahaney says "Only God gets His to-do list done every day!"

Baby's Room, or, Nesting Part 2

Here are some pictures of the nursery we've put together for the baby! It's been so fun, and we are so blessed by so many generous friends who gave us wonderful things. I've honestly spent almost nothing on the baby (so far -- haha!). We tried to plan ahead a bit and not go SUPER girlie with everything, so that if we are blessed with more children, we will have some things we can use over and over. The Lord has provided for us by giving us this new apartment where we are SAVING money every month and we roughly have double the space from our last. We were blessed in Fuller, and enjoyed our time there, but it really is going to be nice to have a room for the baby! That said, here are some pictures!



First, here is the gorgeous quilt my dad got me from Pottery Barn Kids. I'm planning to have the baby's name embroidered on it once she's here. Maybe her birthdate, too. What do you think?














A shot of the room with the lovely bookcase we turned into a changing table and the Pottery Barn Magazine Rack bookshelf my friend Misty sent me. I got some good deals on baskets on sale at Michael's and then covered them with green gingham liners from Pottery Barn Kids. They are holding little toys, blankets, sleepers, onesies, socks, shoes and hairbows -- all generous gifts for our baby girl!





I tried to get a picture of the whole room from the doorway. It's hard to quite get it all in, however! But you get the feel of the room. I think it looks very classic and relaxing. I'm looking forward to spending some time in there when the baby arrives!

I'm having a hard time with blogger, so those 3 pictures will have to be enough for now. We've got everything ready for you, Baby J! You can come any time!

Praise Factory

I am so excited to link to this site! Connie Dever from Capitol Hill Baptist in Washington DC has written this amazing children's ministry curriculum called "Praise Factory". It's been a long labor of love for her, and NOW it is all up on line for FREE! This is SERIOUS good news for children's ministries everywhere!

Since I moved to Louisville, and started working in the children's ministry at my church, Clifton Baptist, I've gotten to use Praise Factory. It's organized as a systematic theology, walking children through the teachings of the Bible in "Big Ideas". What I love about this curriculum is that you park on the same big idea for 3 weeks, and have 3 different stories, activities, etc. For example, tonight we finished the 3rd week of the big idea "God shows love for His people by caring for their needs" with the story of the burning of Rome, and the martyrdom of Peter. The story illustrated this big idea by showing how Peter's spiritual needs were cared for, and Nero, who thought he could take care of himself, ended his life in suicide, spiritually hopeless. Last week our story was about Hudson Taylor, and how God supplied his needs as he went to China. Usually the 1st and 3rd week's stories are Bible lessons, and the 2nd week comes from church history, or more recent events.

I love this curriculum. Clifton has had the opportunity to use it for several years now, because our children's director is a friend of the Dever's and we were sort of using it on a trial basis. NOW it's available for anyone to use! What a BLESSING to small churches or churches with a limited children's ministry budget! Please take time to check it out, and let your children's director know about it. I think it would work best for a Wednesday night children's program, but I think Capitol Hill uses it for Children's Church time, so it's pretty flexible. There are lots of activities and ideas that go with every lesson, you probably won't have time to do them all, but it give you a bunch of choices.

Mother's Day Meditations

Today is my first Mother's Day as a mom. Here I am, blessed to be a mother for about 37 weeks now. It's also my first Mother's Day without my mother. Clearly, how could anything else be on my mind today? I woke this morning thinking about my mom, wishing I could think of some special, original way I could still honor her and DO something for her for mother's day. But it seemed like there was nothing to be done.

My friend Gretchen said to me at church "you can be thankful for the good mother you had", and I think she's right -- that's the best thing I can do right now. I know I've listed them on this blog several times before, but here are a couple thoughts that are a bit more fresh:

I loved how Sue Benzing was always excited for you. You could tell her you got new red shoes, and that was exciting for her. If she saw the red shoes, even before you told her they were new, she'd mention them, and tell you she thought they were cute. Little specific things like that stood out to her. She got REALLY excited for you if you told her you were going to have a baby. I've seen her shriek and jump up and down for people who were just aquaintences. I've heard her talk on the phone for hours to women who were going through adoptions to encourage them along the way. And I heard her scream for 3 solid minutes when Josh and I told her and Dad we had a baby on the way (I think the neighbors heard, too). Mom's enthusiasm was genuine!

She LOVED motherhood. She wanted me to experience it. She wanted every girl to experience it! She really thought it was the best ever path to follow. She waited to become a mother for 7 years of marriage, but she had kiddos at home for the next 31 years. Not many people get that long of a stretch of doing something they love. It is a rare gift to love exactly what the Lord has given you in life, but Mom had that gift. She loved staying home with us, and homeschooling us. She loved babysitting Cede every day. She LOVED being a Grandmommy!

My mom often battled fear and worry. I never used to understand this, but I think I identify with my mother more than ever since I have become a mother. Almost every day during this pregnancy has been a battle in my mind to trusting the Lord and His good plan for my child. I told my friend Annie that I often feel like I've been holding my breath the whole time. If you've been in this position -- every day wondering if she's moving, if she's forming okay, if she'll make it through childbirth, etc. It's fear and worry. And sin. Mom used to write out verses about fear and trust on 3x5 cards to memorize. I remember them sitting on the window frame in the kitchen, sort of water-splashed. She was fighting that sin. What a good lesson for me!

Thank you, Lord, for my wonderful Mom who left me such a legacy. Her life makes me even more excited to enter this great journey of being a mother.

My Grandpa

It's been just under 2 months since my Mom's funeral, and today I'm preparing for my Grandpa's. I think my perspective on funerals has changed a bit. I now want to embrace them as a way to honor the person who has passed away (since both my mother and grandfather were godly, honorable people), and to glorify God for the work of grace He has done in their lives and through their lives. I won't have a part in Grandpa's funeral, since I am one of 30 grandkids (the baby I'm expecting will be the 35th great-grandchild), but I do want to honor Grandpa here on my blog.

Grandpa was always a gentle giant to me. It was amazing how he still seemed like that in my recent adult years when he'd become so much more slight in size, and not much taller than me anymore. His deep rumbling voice always called my dad "Billy", and I loved to hear him talk to my big dad like he was still a kid. My dad and his siblings modeled for the grandkids the way to honor and respect our grandparents. We did not EVER ignore them or any request they gave, and we dropped our silly childishness when Grandpa or Grandma was speaking to us -- only real, honest answers were necessary, no displays for attention. I think it was easy to respond to them like that, because they seemed worthy of real respect. I've seen many of my cousins treating my grandparents in the exact same way, so I know many of us feel this way.

My Grandpa was a godly man. His favorite song was the Doxology, which we always sang before meals and family gatherings. Last September he turned 90, and we had a birthday party for him. The big cake was decorated with the words of the Doxology. It was the only time I ever heard people sing the "amen" at the end of a song when I was a kid. If I was standing near my parents when we sang, I could hear my mom harmonizing the "amen". Grandpa was always proud to hear us quoting scripture (Luke 2, every Christmas!), and loved singing old hymns.

A recent favorite memory, which I'm sure I'll always treasure as precious was when Grandpa came to Illinois for my mom's funeral, just a couple months ago. The Lord blessed him with extra strength and good health for the trip, and we enjoyed time with Grandpa, a bit more like the old days. One evening Grandpa asked for a songbook, and my aunt brought it to me to sing with him. I sat on the couch by him with my niece Cede, and we flipped through that book, singing every song we recognized. I was so hoarse since it was the day after Mom's funeral, and had been a little sick and things, but I would never have stopped singing (besides, Grandpa didn't seem to mind). My sister Abby recorded a tiny bit with her camera phone -- me and Grandpa singing "Mansion Over the Hilltop". :)

I'm so glad for setting aside a couple days where you really don't have to do anything besides reflect and consider the goodness of Christ in the life of the loved one lost. I know funerals aren't always that sort of bittersweet celebration -- for those who die without Christ, it is only mourning and pain. I am thankful to the utmost to think about how my Grandpa (and my mom) are in Heaven, rejoicing before the throne.

And when before the throne, I stand in Him complete,
Jesus died my soul to save, my lips shall still repeat!
Jesus paid it all! All to Him I owe,
Sin has left a crimson stain, He washed it white as snow.

Is She Nesting?

I personally think it's a pretty funny expression to say an expectant mother is "nesting". I know it's been a REALLY long time since I've put up pictures of any sort, but here are a few I took of some of the things I've been getting ready.

All the newborn and onesies and sleepers are clean and ready to wear when Baby J arrives.

I'm just starting to set up the baby's room -- here's a picture of the dresses I "hung on the line". Not much else is set, but I'll try to take pictures when it is.

Baby's coming home outfit -- washed and packed (the sweater was my sister Emily's when she came home from the hospital. Mom gave it to me.)

The rest of the hospital bag packed and ready.

So, maybe I am "nesting". :)

Systematic Theology for Children

It's been a long time since I've written about books, and I'm so excited to tell you about this new book! One of the elders at my church, Bruce Ware, has written a systematic theology for children, at the request of his 2 daughters, who have sweet memories of their father's bedtime instruction to them. The Wares are dear friends of mine, and knowing their daughters as grown-ups is such an inspiration to bring up children in the fear and admonition of the Lord!

The new book is called Big Truths for Young Hearts, and is set up in short chapters, designed to be read at bedtime or family devotions. It canvasses the broad spectrum of systematic theology in 9 parts: God's Word and God's Own Life as God, God as Three in One, Creator and Ruler of All, Our Human Nature and Our Sin, Who Jesus Is, The Work that Jesus Has Done, The Holy Spirit, Our Great Salvation and The Church of Jesus Christ.

Here is what C.J. Mahaney wrote about this book: "Imagine a respected theologian devoting himself to training a new generation of pastors and scholars in the seminary classroom. Now imagine him driving home at night to teach that profound theology in simple terms to his children at their bedsides. Now imagine this father compiling those bedside conversations into a book available to all pastors, parents, and chidlren alike. Imagine no more. My friend Dr. Bruce Ware has done it."

This Friday at the bookstore where I work, Dr. Ware is coming to read for Story Hour! He's going to read from his book and sign copies (which we will have on sale), and afterward, I'm going to lead the kids in a craft project based on the selection he reads. If you are a reader from the area, please consider coming by with the kids. It will begin at 10:00 am.

Reflections on Mom -- Leaving a Legacy

I'd been wanting to share the reflections on Mom I read at her funeral, and now that it has been one whole month, it seemed like a good time to do so. Some of the following will be a bit repetitive from blogs I've written in the past month or so, but I want you to be able to read my reflections on her. I miss Sue Benzing intensely, and thoughts and memories of her shadow my day, making me smile, and making me cry. If you have time to read it all, here is what I wrote:

My mom was a beautiful woman. I thought it would be fitting for me to reflect on her character qualities today.

First, Mom was fulfilled in her God-given role as a wife and mother. Like the Proverbs 31 woman, she excelled in the home; her family was a top priority to her. This was not only evident in her life and conversation, but also her prayer-life. While looking through her prayer journals, I was struck by the overwhelming amount of space she dedicated to praying for her children. She always LOVED being a mom. She waited for a long time before the Lord gave her children, and she found joy in that role for many many years. We NEVER heard her complain about her kids, or the amount of time she spent with us, every day, as a stay-at-home wife and homeschool mom, we all agreed about that. Mom and I always got along very well, which I know sounds like I’m trying to say I was her favorite, but the truth is, Mom got along well with all her kids. We probably all felt like her favorites. Her kids all remember times spent cooking for a month in anticipation of our littlest sister’s arrival, making “post people” in the basement for craft fairs, cleaning the house from top to bottom every day whenever the house was for sale when we’d move – Mom taught us to work hard together, and to find the pleasure in being together during those times. I once remember Mom telling us when we moved “You will always have your brothers and sisters, they are friends you take with you everywhere.” which was a great lesson for us, and one I’m so glad she specifically stated.

Secondly, Mom was a lifelong learner. She loved reading, a love she passed on to all of her kids. I cannot begin to imagine how many thousands of books she’d read over her lifetime. Mom loved telling me about books she read and enjoyed, and of course, reading out loud to anyone who listened. She was interested in absolutely everything – anything she read an article on, saw a special on, whatever sport Dad happened to watch on tv, NOTHING was boring to her. In fact, I cannot imagine my mom ever being bored, which is actually quite a virtue. I remember when she had her eye surgeries, and she had to sit for hours and hours with her head straight down. Even then, she did not complain or just waste the time away. She listened to every book on tape I brought her, and even read when she had energy. She was also a woman of the Word, who read her Bible every day faithfully for years. One of the things that we have found precious is the journals and notebooks Mom had written in. We found prayers here and there in notebooks, and whole journals just for prayer, and taking notes in church and her devotions. It is humbling to see how much she prayed for her children (and what she prayed, of course, is even more humbling, because you see what she saw that perhaps you did not see back then). My sister Anna read from Mom's Bible at the funeral, and remarked on how much Mom wrote in it, and how special it was to have Mom's thoughts on the Word as a legacy to us. For example, John 14 "Let not your hearts be troubled, ye believe in God, believe also in me. In my Father's house are many mansions; if it were not so, I would have told you. I go to prepare a place for you." Mom wrote next to this passage -- "To be comforted". What a gift God has given us through Mom's writings, speaking to us still.In her quiet time this year, she wrote in August "I can walk before the Lord in the light of the living until God's plans for me are finished. My life won't end one minute before God wants it to." She had been reading Psalm 56 "In God I put my trust: I will not be afraid what man can do unto me." What a treasure these words are to my soul!In September she wrote "No matter how things look, God is in control". Writing this to assure her own soul, and speak truth to her own heart is priceless. It speaks to my heart now, telling me to trust in God's sovereignty.On the Monday before she had her stroke she wrote "God knows and plans everything."These writings are so sweet to my eyes, and honey to my heart. It is a peek into her very soul, showing the intimacy of her walk with Jesus. What a legacy for us! I hoped by sharing them, you would be encouraged to trust God and be comforted, in whatever affliction you are facing. I also hoped to encourage my sisters in Christ to deepen their walk with the Lord, spending time in His Word every day.

Third, Mom was a happy servant in her church. This was so in all the churches we attended growing up, and most evident, perhaps in her service here at Calvary. Everyone thinks of Mom as the nursery director who loves all the kids, making timid ones adjust, the naughty ones obey, and everybody certain that she was happy to see them. I never met a child my mother couldn’t love. She also was a joyful helper to her friends, making food for special occasions, throwing baby showers, and always always entering into their joy with them. Sometimes we would get frustrated with Mom for spending SO much time and energy making someone’s day special – “Mom, you do NOT have to cater that person’s wedding for FREE. You can LET them pay you!” Mom did not think of herself, though. She was only too happy to bless others. Mom also loved hosting in her home, and no number was too large for her to say yes to. “Teen group progressive dinner? Sure! Open house for Bill’s coworkers? Great! 400 people for Gretchen’s wedding? Not a problem!” She embraced our missionary friends, and loved “adopting” their families for holidays and family occasions. She even loved hosting a whole slew of teenagers, which says a lot for her patience and forbearance as well, but honestly, Mom truly enjoyed their company. I’d like to share a little passage from a book I’ve been rereading by Elisabeth Elliot called “A Path Through Suffering”; I think it illustrates Mom well:

“The maturing dandelion has long ago surrendered its golden petals and has reached its crowning stage of dying. It stands ready, holding up it little life, not knowing when or where or how the wind that bloweth where it listeth may waft it away. It holds itself no longer for its own keeping, only as something to be shared. The delicate seed-globe must break up now; it gives and gives until it has nothing left. Think of those whose lives have had the most significant impact on yours. Are they not men and women who were continuously giving themselves, loving sacrificially, and thereby giving us life? The maturing process in the Christian, as in the dandelion, is for one purpose: the giving of life. It gives and gives until it has nothing left – for itself. But it has given life – to new dandelions. So we in whom Christ dwells are the bearers both of His death and of His life. We are transmitters of life to the world.”

Once my friend Misty and I contemplated the beautiful things my mom owned, displayed around her home. Misty said to me “You know what’s different about these things than most people’s nice things? Your mom doesn’t have these just to display and make her house look nice, she uses them to LOVE people.”

I think a word I could use to summarize Mom’s character would be “selfless”. Whether it was caring for her family, pouring herself out in prayer, embracing strangers (which she would just call “new friends”), serving at church or helping a friend – she did so without a thought of herself, only love and joy for others. She related to the Lord in the same way – without selfish wishes for her own advancement, but only desiring the glory to go to Christ. With that in mind, I want to close by sharing a prayer from Blaise Pascal that I think reflected my mom’s heart toward the Lord. May it be our prayer as well.

“Take from me, O Lord, that self pity which love of myself so readily produces, and from the frustration of not succeeding in the world as I would naturally desire, for these have no regard for your glory. Rather, create in me a sorrow that is conformable to your own. Let my pains rather express the happy condition of my conversion and salvation. Let me no longer wish for health or life, but to spend it and end it for you, with you, and in you. I pray neither for health nor sickness, life nor death. Rather I pray that you will dispose of my health, my sickness, my life and my death as for your glory, for my salvation, for the usefulness to your church and your saints, among whom I hope to be numbered. You alone know what is expedient for me. You are the Sovereign Master. Do whatever pleases you. Give me or take away from me. Conform my will to yours, and grant that with a humble and perfect submission, and in holy confidence, I may dispose myself utterly to you. May I receive the orders of your everlasting, provident care. May I equally adore whatever proceeds from you.”

Good Friday

This Good Friday I'm reflecting on the last verse of one of my favorite songs for Easter: "The Power of the Cross" by Keith and Kristyn Getty. We sang it last night at our Maundy Thursday service at Clifton.

"Oh, to see my name

Written in the wounds,

For through Your suffering I am free.

Death is crushed to death;

Life is mine to live,
Won through Your selfless love!

This, the pow'r of the cross:

Son of God—slain for us.

What a love! What a cost!

We stand forgiven at the cross."

Here is a link to a YouTube video of Kristyn singing the song. Take a moment to listen and reflect on the goodness of Christ and the greatness of His sacrifice. Don't pass by His death on your way to the excitement of Sunday!

Back into a Routine?

I've really been wanting to post for a while, but have had a hard time knowing what to write about. It was so significant to me to read my mom's journals, so that post seemed so huge that I couldn't really think of anything worth writing about since then. I decided it's better to write about not much than not write at all.

Josh and I have been back in Kentucky for a couple weeks now, back to work and school. It's amazing how different our lives feel. I struggled at first going to work and acting "normal" around everyone -- since I felt anything but normal. I confess, I half expected most people to treat me differently -- that is, treat me really kindly -- because here I am, a pregnant girl whose mom just died. I was nearly in tears when I took a snapshot of my mom to CVS to make a double of it and the photo-department woman was rather curt and unhelpful, going to charge me $10 to make a copy. I feel like saying "please me nice to me! I'm sad right now because my mom is gone!" The Lord has been good to guard my heart from falling into true self-pity. It's hard to totally know my own self, but I think I am mostly just grieving, and half wishing everyone else was grieving along with me.

So at first I struggled getting into a routine, but now I see how having a scheduled life, really is, as Jodi Ware says, "a gift from the Lord." It helps you to go forward and "do the next thing". I have never before lived through grief, and I certainly have never lost anyone close to me, so it is all a journey of learning a new normal: getting up in the morning and remembering that I lost my mom, having my family on my mind through out the day, praying for their souls, and my own, to be guarded from depressed or guilty thoughts, having waves of sadness wash over me when I see grandmothers with new babies (actually pretty common around here), or a really specific memory occurs to me. I feel like I have grown and changed so much in the past month, that I hardly feel the same, so making a new normal feels pretty abnormal.

But the truth is this: there is a sort of sweetness in knowing Christ NOW, in the midst of my pain, that I had never known before. It comes to me when I weep, or fall into deep contemplation -- the sweetness of sharing in "the fellowship of His suffering". Elisabeth Elliot says that it's not that Christ died so that we might suffer, but that because of his death, our sufferings have a purpose -- that we can share an intimate knowledge of Him in the fellowship of His suffering. I can honestly say that from my own experience, I do sense that Christ has drawn me into a closer relationship, making Him more dear to me than ever.

These days the song "Great is Thy Faithfulness" has become my favorite: "Morning by morning new mercies I see. All I have needed Thy hand hath provided." I trust you, Lord, to provide new mercy and grace for each day.

My Mom's Quiet Time

Mom's funeral was beautiful. It was a lovely, solemn, precious day. We were so blessed to have over 500 people at her visitation and funeral, including many family members from both my dad's and mom's sides of the family. How sweet to have them all gathered together! How precious to honor Mom and praise Jesus together!

One of the things that we have found precious is the journals and notebooks Mom has written in. We found prayers here and there in notebooks, and whole journals just for prayer, and taking notes in church and her devotions. It is humbling to see how much she prayed for her children (and what she prayed, of course, is even more humbling, because you see what she saw that perhaps you did not see back then). My sister Anna read from Mom's Bible at the funeral, and remarked on how much Mom wrote in it, and how special it was to have Mom's thoughts on the Word as a legacy to us.

For example, John 14 "Let not your hearts be troubled, ye believe in God, believe also in me. In my Father's house are many mansions; if it were not so, I would have told you. I go to prepare a place for you." Mom wrote next to this passage -- "To be comforted". What a gift God has given us through Mom's writings, speaking to us still.

In her quiet time this year, she wrote in August "I can walk before the Lord in the light of the living until God's plans for me are finished. My life won't end one minute before God wants it to." She had been reading Psalm 56 "In God I put my trust: I will not be afraid what man can do unto me." What a treasure these words are to my soul!

In September she wrote "No matter how things look, God is in control". Writing this to assure her own soul, and speak truth to her own heart is priceless. It speaks to my heart now, telling me to trust in God's sovereignty.

On the Monday before she had her stroke she wrote "God knows and plans everything."

These writings are so sweet to my eyes, and honey to my heart. It is a peek into her very soul, showing the intimacy of her walk with Jesus. What a legacy for us! I considered not sharing them here in such a public way, because they are such a treasure, but I hoped by doing so, you would be encouraged to trust God and be comforted, in whatever affliction you are facing. I also hoped to encourage my brothers and sisters in Christ to deepen their walk with the Lord, spending time in His Word every day. And when you get the chance, write about it! My mom was not trying to write profound things for us to read; she was merely meditating on the passage. It certainly has spurred me on to pull my prayer journal more often, and I hope it does the same for you.

The Psalms and My Mom

My mom once told me her favorite book of the Bible was the Psalms, and I have to agree, it may be mine as well. Mom felt deeply and so she probably drew comfort from the depths and heights the Psalmist often plunges in his writing. There is no human experience David (and other psalm writers) did not experience.


How fitting, then, that the Psalms would be a primary comfort to my soul during the hardship we faced with Mom's stroke and death. Here are some of the Psalms that I read over and over during that time:



Psalm 139 -- From the moment Anna called me to tell me Mom had a stroke, the words of this Psalm jumped into my mind. I thought of her being flown in a helicopter alone to the next city, but my heart was comforted to read "Where shall I go from Your Spirit, or where shall I flee from Your presence?" Over and over I repeated this verse, thinking of the blessed presence of the Holy Spirit with my mother in the helicopter, moving from one hospital to another. As the night went on, I read verse 12 "even the darkness is not dark to you; the night is bright as the day, for darkness is as light with you." The night seemed so dark. The doctors did not know what all was happening in my mother's brain, but that dark place was not hidden from God. Probably the verse that I clung to the most was verse 5 "You hem me in, behind and before, and lay your hand upon me." To know that everything that was happening was hemmed in by our powerful, wise, loving and sovereign God was the ultimate comfort. I prayed this verse for my mother, and for all of us, that we could trust in His direction. As the days went on, I also drew strength from verse 16 "Your eyes saw my unformed substance; in your book were written, every one of them, the days that were formed for me, when as yet there were none of them." Even though we were in an utter quandary as to whether my mom would live another day, I knew that her days were written for her, even before she was born.



Psalm 57 -- "Be merciful to me, O God, be merciful to me, for in You my soul takes refuge; in the shadow of your wings I will take refuge. I cry out to God Most High, to God who fulfills his purpose for me. . . God will send out His steadfast love and His faithfulness!" I prayed this Psalm for my mom another night when the girls and I were visiting Mom in the SICU. Verse 4 reflected how my soul felt: "My soul is in the midst of lions; I lie down amid fiery beasts."

Psalm 91 -- "He shall dwell under the Shadow of the Almighty." That phrase is so beautiful and comforting. Many people read us this psalm in the hospital during those days.

There are so many more, but I hope these words will be an encouragement to you, too!

My Mom

When I posted my last, I had no idea that a "crazy week" would stretch into 3 and beyond. Even now, I can't quite grasp all that has taken place in my life over the past 2 weeks -- the lessons I've learned, the Scripture I've read, the tears I've shed. I couldn't begin to put it all into one blog post, so this may be the first of many on the subject.

My mom passed away this morning.

Even as I type that, though I've seen what I've seen, it still does not seem possible.

It was very sudden. On February 21st, Josh and I settled into our new apartment, and I talked to my mom on the phone. She asked about the baby, our new apartment, and asked me if I wanted some things she'd found when cleaning out my sister's room. We did not talk too long, because my dad and sisters were waiting for her to go out to eat. The last thing she said to me was "I love you, honey. I'll call you tomorrow."

At the restaurant, she began to have signs of a stroke, much like the TIA she'd had 4 years ago -- not remembering names and specific things. Later that evening at the emergency room, she had a massive stroke. My sister called me a little after midnight that night to tell me that things were really bad, and Josh and I left for Illinois right away. Though mom lived for the next 2 weeks, and underwent a serious operation, she never awoke from her coma, and never saw us or spoke to us in the time that has gone by.

We sat in the hospital all day every day during that time. For the first week, she was in SICU, and we could only visit 2 at a time (though sometimes there were 4 or so of us). My sisters and I polished her nails and toenails, and gave her lipstick. We all talked and prayed, and sang and read Scripture to her. Then last Sunday she was moved into her own room, and hospice care, and we all could gather there together, where we spent the last week by her side.

She had such pretty warm hands, with the nails painted so nicely. I held one for hours and hours every day this week. I miss it already.

What can you say about your mom? We (her 6 kids) all had a great relationship with her. She was loved by hundreds of children in the nursery ministry where she served for years, not to mention their parents. We've seen and talked to hundreds of her friends during these weeks. I can't begin to recount the memories, the things that were special about her. If you knew her, you certainly have memories of her yourself. Feel free to post them here for me, it is such a comfort to think of all the people who loved her.

I never spent a moment during these weeks in which I did not feel the Lord's gentle care for me. He seemed very close, the Spirit's ministry of comfort very real. Oh, there were, and still are, moments of aching loss and overwhelming heartache, but my Gentle Shepherd has cared for me and lead me through these days. I know that sometimes when people go through suffering, the most difficult aspect is that they do not feel the closeness of the Lord, so I am so grateful that I did. "I dare not trust the sweetest frame, but wholly lean on Jesus' name" as the hymn says. Jesus is the dearest and sweetest name I know, more than ever.

Crazy Week

We are moving this week, and things are going to be a little crazy in my world, so I probably will not have a chance to post again. I hope to get everything moved into our new apartment, and then put up some pictures of our new place sometime next week.

In the meantime, I also wanted to link to a couple new posts that CBMW is putting up by yours truly. It's overkill if you've already read my post on this blog, but if not, or if you just have time to kill, please click over and read it! This is a post from last Wednesday, and from what I understand, they are going to do parts for the next couple of Wednesdays, like a series. If you have any comments whatsoever, they LOVE feedback, and always pass it on to me, so please click on the feedback link on the CBMW blog. I'd love questions, too, as fuel to research more books!

Free Things!

These past couple days have been abundant with cashing in on some free stuff. What with coupons, gift cards, CVS bucks, charity and just generous people, I've been bringing home things left and right.

First, in the basement of our building, they have something called "The Attic" (great name, huh?) where families of the seminary can take 4 free things a week. I got several little baby clothes there (all pink, but you can't help that -- plus they were free). I also picked up a couple things from our church where they have a mother and child clothing room (it was my first visit, but not my last!). Here is a picture. I especially liked the little pink chucks -- that she obviously won't be able to wear for quite a while, but oh well. I still have not spent a dime on baby clothes yet -- though I was OVERWHELMINGLY tempted last night when I found a Polly Flinder's dress at T.J. Maxx.

Also pictured are a couple free things I got because of my generous friend Rhonda sharing her coupons with me: hairspray, a razor for Josh and toothpaste. I also have 2 free 2-liters of Diet Dr. Pepper, but we didn't get those yet, because yesterday when I was in line at Kroger, the power went out (what is WITH this city?) and I could not be rung up! Oh well, Josh and I will go redeem them after we drink up all the Diet Coke we currently have. I randomly got a magazine in the mail, too. I think it's from my mother-in-law, and I love Real Simple!!

This is the BEST thing I got yesterday (though I can't technically call it free) -- new ultrasound pictures! Poor Josh missed out (he was in class) as I got to see our little girl in her new bigger size, touching her nose and lip with one finger and wiggling her tongue. AMAZING! The good news is that her heart looks like it's normal from what they can tell, so that's great news!

I told Josh yesterday that working hard to save money with coupons and frugality has been a fun challenge, but I've found it's been really tempting not to think that I am the one responsible for all my hard work. I find it harder not to utterly rely on God to take care of our financial needs, because I'm relying on myself instead. Have you found that to be a challenge, my organized, frugal friends? This is a new challenge for me, because I have tended to be so fly-by-the-seat-of-my-pants, that if it all works out, I KNOW it is God's doing. Now that I'm trying to be intentional, I see myself as the force behind the windfall. How do YOU fight that mentality?

Thinking about Scheduling

I have been reading some books on what to do once the baby is here, and I thought I'd report what I'm thinking about. I'd love to hear from some of you who are experienced moms (or just moms at all, if you don't consider yourself experienced), or big sisters (like me) who have lived with babies in your life.

First, I read My First 300 Babies by Gladys Hendrick, who worked with hundreds of babies and their parents to train them to be on a schedule. I am not sure, but I think this book was written in the 50's or 60's (possibly 70's), just by the dated content -- glass bottles, cloth diapers, length of time women stayed in the hospital after giving birth. I found much of what Mrs. Hendrick suggested to be helpful. Her motto "It's not what the baby does, it's what you do about it . . . because babies are unpredictable," made a lot of sense to me. Her experience seemed to speak for itself, and the families who had her help seemed very pleased with the outcome! However, she was RATHER strict on her scheduling. She starts with a schedule the day you come home from the hospital (I'm imagining that really means when the baby is about a week old, not 2 days old like they are now), and plans for the baby to go 4 hours between feedings right away (3 during the day). That seemed like a lofty goal, and maybe not possible, but her firmness reminded me of a grandmother figure saying "honey, don't freak out. . . your baby can deal with it." Though I don't think I'll actually go with her schedule, I think reading this book will help me to stay calm and let my baby cry a bit when she lays down to sleep, etc. It should also help with planning parts of the day when the baby gets a bit older -- she advocates teaching a child how to play and entertain itself first in the playpen, and then in it's bedroom during part of each day. I think this is helpful especially when you only have one child, and you feel the need to be his/her constant entertainer.

Now I'm reading Babywise by Gary Ezzo. So far, this has been much more flexible, but with structure. In case you aren't familiar, Babywise advocates putting your baby on a 2 1/2 to 3 hour feeding schedule after it's a week old, and carefully monitoring your child's growth. This book deals a lot more with breastfeeding -- every aspect -- which I find helpful. Friends that I know who have done Babywise have told me the same thing: that the baby is more pleasant when he/she is awake, because they wake up hungry, you feed, and then during their alert times, they are happy! It makes sense. I know quite a few families who have done their own version of Babywise (someone told me it's like a recipe -- take out what you don't like, or put in what you do), and seem to have success. I know my mom used a flexible schedule with my sisters, and I recall clearly setting the timer for 20 minutes every time they cried when they were put to bed.

I guess at the end of the day, I'm going to have to do some sort of schedule, even if I weren't convinced of the benefits, because I'm going back to work. Hopefully, things like sleeping through the night, and being able to successfully breastfeed will just be additional benefits that come along with the territory!

What have you done? Weigh in on this topic, please!

Back online with Spelt Salad

Well, I broke one of my New Year's goals, but I don't think it could be considered my fault this time. Our apartment was out of power for 5 days, and then after it came on, there were only a few days in between before the internet went out. It must have come back up sometime today, so now I can write a post!

Today I want to share with you a recipe that might sound good if you are looking forward to warmer days: My Favorite Spelt Salad.

My friend Tara Beth introduced me to this yummy grain last year on my birthday shopping outing to Jungle Jim's, and I've been buying bags of it, and preparing now and then ever since. It's a good source of iron, so GREAT for the pregnant vegetarian!

Cooked spelt (I prepare 1/2 cup or 1 whole cup -- that's the measurement before it's cooked)
One small chopped onion
Several teaspoons of Vinegar (I like balsamic)
Several tablespoons of Olive Oil (pour over onion with the vinegar while spelt is cooking to infuse)
1 pint of halved grape tomatoes (or just chop a regular tomato)
Several tablespoons of toasted pine nuts
salt and pepper to taste -- I like garlic salt, but adding some fresh garlic is good too!

Mix together and chill -- serve cold. Add fresh herbs if you have them (I don't in the winter).

YUM! The texture is chewy and crunchy. With the price of tomatoes falling fast, it's a good fresh way to wait for spring. This could really be a decent lunch, it's got everything you need. Or, if you're me, it's your afternoon snack. :) Hey, it's better than going for a Twix bar or something!

I'll be coming back to you soon with thoughts on scheduling for babies and the books I'm reading now!

Winter Adventure

We thought we moved to the south. But amazingly enough, the sort of storm that came through Kentucky on Monday night is much worse than the sort I've seen living in all the northern states I've lived in, including Montana and Wisconsin! Clearly, we didn't get FEET of snow, but the amount of ice and sleet we got over the next couple days were enough to knock out the power of hundreds of thousands of people!

Including us.

I kept thinking about last fall and the power outage we had then, and the lessons I learned in the dark. It's different this time, because it's scarier and COLD, and whole trees are still breaking because of the ice and wind. The fierceness of the stark cold outdoors reminds me of Narnia frozen by the White Witch's spell.

But I am also reminded of the awesome power of God. Here are a few pictures Josh took one morning after he walked me to work (this is before the power went out).

I also had a battle in my heart being envious of others who got days off work and school, sitting at home in their warm homes. Doesn't winter weather make you such a homebody? But I had to battle against that familiar sin, once again, remembering my rich blessings in Christ and cherishing the warm evening at home with Josh making cookies, watching a movie and watching the snow fall. Give me the grace to be content, Lord!

*** Edit: Power came back Sunday evening! We are moved back home, and I've gone back to work! It's amazing how nice it is to get back to routine. That tree in the picture above is now green and standing straight up. Louisville weather is so weird.

Saving Money

So three weeks into this coupon-clipping thing and tonight I actually felt like it was worth it! You old pros will scoff at my minor savings, but in my book it was substantial enough to make it worth it. We actually got Diet Coke and kept the grocery spending under my limit! I actually figured in my head almost EXACTLY what it was going to cost before we went to the store. I showed Josh my reciept and my list with my estimated total and it was the same!

Here we are in the dairy section of Meijer:

Me: "Ooooooooooooh, I KNEW it! All the Sargento cheese is gone. It was too good of a deal." (it was on sale plus I had a coupon).

Josh: refuses to accept it's all gone. Scavenges through all the cheeses laying haphazardly in the case while I vainly reread the sale ad. "What about this? Does this count? Here's 8 oz Mozzerella."

Me: "You're my hero! YES! That counts! Okay, we need another one, because the coupon is good on 2."

We are eventually successful because a reduced fat bag has been ignored by the early-shopping hyenas because of it's lack of sale tag. HAHA! It's ours!

Here's the thing about the coupon thing. There are only 2 of us and our apartment is tiny. So there IS a limit to how much this can help, because buying in bulk is mostly unhelpful to us. If I were feeding 8 kids, then the amount I COULD spend would be huge, and the amount I COULD save would be far more. So maybe if I learn how to do this a little better, someday it will be even more useful.

Anyway, this is not about to become one of those blogs that lists all the sale prices and coupons for every grocery store in the area (others do that well and I certainly would not). HOWEVER, I do want to point out a new blog I've linked to on my sidebar, hikingfool. My friend Jason pointed his blog out, and he does a good job of pulling together lots of savings blogs in a sort of streamlined way (maybe because he's a guy, I don't know). So thanks, hikingfool, for doing some of the groundwork for me, and saving me the time I don't have surfing through all the sites I don't have time to read to pass along the best.

Just Another Day at Work?

Well, not so much.

But I have a fun story I have to tell. Today the T4G guys were on campus meeting with Dr. Mohler. I was opening the door for my co-oworker who was taking out the trash and John Piper walked by me in a black stocking cap. It sort of dawned on me when I saw he was followed by the rest of the team, apparently walking over from the Legacy Center to Dr. Mohler's office.

So that was that.

10 minutes before we closed, they all came into the bookstore. This is the first time Piper has been in since I started working there, but the other guys have come in lots, so I'm used to their joviality and cheerful friendliness. Hoping Piper would be in the same sort of mood, I went back to my desk and pulled down a shelf flag (which is what you put on the shelf to tell about a book, or to show it's on sale) that I've had up by my desk since July of '07. Every month or so, we get new signs to put out to show the new sales. Every once in a while there is a typo on the price or something, but THIS time, the typo was in the title. It was advertising a sale price on the "new book by John Piper": What Jesus Demands of the Woman.

Clearly this was supposed to mean What Jesus Demands of the World. I thought it was funny, so I put it on my magnet board.

I brought it out and asked Dr. Piper when we might expect that new work to be released. He laughed loudly and said "It's WORLD! That should be WORLD! This has to be a joke."

I said "no, it's a misprint. But I think it would make a great title. Maybe your wife could pen a book with this title."

He smiled and said "can I keep this? I'm going to FRAME it."

So that's why I can't show you the shelf flag. I gave it to John Piper.