Sunday, May 10, 2009
Mother's Day Meditations
Today is my first Mother's Day as a mom. Here I am, blessed to be a mother for about 37 weeks now. It's also my first Mother's Day without my mother. Clearly, how could anything else be on my mind today? I woke this morning thinking about my mom, wishing I could think of some special, original way I could still honor her and DO something for her for mother's day. But it seemed like there was nothing to be done.
My friend Gretchen said to me at church "you can be thankful for the good mother you had", and I think she's right -- that's the best thing I can do right now. I know I've listed them on this blog several times before, but here are a couple thoughts that are a bit more fresh:
I loved how Sue Benzing was always excited for you. You could tell her you got new red shoes, and that was exciting for her. If she saw the red shoes, even before you told her they were new, she'd mention them, and tell you she thought they were cute. Little specific things like that stood out to her. She got REALLY excited for you if you told her you were going to have a baby. I've seen her shriek and jump up and down for people who were just aquaintences. I've heard her talk on the phone for hours to women who were going through adoptions to encourage them along the way. And I heard her scream for 3 solid minutes when Josh and I told her and Dad we had a baby on the way (I think the neighbors heard, too). Mom's enthusiasm was genuine!
She LOVED motherhood. She wanted me to experience it. She wanted every girl to experience it! She really thought it was the best ever path to follow. She waited to become a mother for 7 years of marriage, but she had kiddos at home for the next 31 years. Not many people get that long of a stretch of doing something they love. It is a rare gift to love exactly what the Lord has given you in life, but Mom had that gift. She loved staying home with us, and homeschooling us. She loved babysitting Cede every day. She LOVED being a Grandmommy!
My mom often battled fear and worry. I never used to understand this, but I think I identify with my mother more than ever since I have become a mother. Almost every day during this pregnancy has been a battle in my mind to trusting the Lord and His good plan for my child. I told my friend Annie that I often feel like I've been holding my breath the whole time. If you've been in this position -- every day wondering if she's moving, if she's forming okay, if she'll make it through childbirth, etc. It's fear and worry. And sin. Mom used to write out verses about fear and trust on 3x5 cards to memorize. I remember them sitting on the window frame in the kitchen, sort of water-splashed. She was fighting that sin. What a good lesson for me!
Thank you, Lord, for my wonderful Mom who left me such a legacy. Her life makes me even more excited to enter this great journey of being a mother.