Sunday, May 10, 2009

Mother's Day Meditations

Today is my first Mother's Day as a mom. Here I am, blessed to be a mother for about 37 weeks now. It's also my first Mother's Day without my mother. Clearly, how could anything else be on my mind today? I woke this morning thinking about my mom, wishing I could think of some special, original way I could still honor her and DO something for her for mother's day. But it seemed like there was nothing to be done.

My friend Gretchen said to me at church "you can be thankful for the good mother you had", and I think she's right -- that's the best thing I can do right now. I know I've listed them on this blog several times before, but here are a couple thoughts that are a bit more fresh:

I loved how Sue Benzing was always excited for you. You could tell her you got new red shoes, and that was exciting for her. If she saw the red shoes, even before you told her they were new, she'd mention them, and tell you she thought they were cute. Little specific things like that stood out to her. She got REALLY excited for you if you told her you were going to have a baby. I've seen her shriek and jump up and down for people who were just aquaintences. I've heard her talk on the phone for hours to women who were going through adoptions to encourage them along the way. And I heard her scream for 3 solid minutes when Josh and I told her and Dad we had a baby on the way (I think the neighbors heard, too). Mom's enthusiasm was genuine!

She LOVED motherhood. She wanted me to experience it. She wanted every girl to experience it! She really thought it was the best ever path to follow. She waited to become a mother for 7 years of marriage, but she had kiddos at home for the next 31 years. Not many people get that long of a stretch of doing something they love. It is a rare gift to love exactly what the Lord has given you in life, but Mom had that gift. She loved staying home with us, and homeschooling us. She loved babysitting Cede every day. She LOVED being a Grandmommy!

My mom often battled fear and worry. I never used to understand this, but I think I identify with my mother more than ever since I have become a mother. Almost every day during this pregnancy has been a battle in my mind to trusting the Lord and His good plan for my child. I told my friend Annie that I often feel like I've been holding my breath the whole time. If you've been in this position -- every day wondering if she's moving, if she's forming okay, if she'll make it through childbirth, etc. It's fear and worry. And sin. Mom used to write out verses about fear and trust on 3x5 cards to memorize. I remember them sitting on the window frame in the kitchen, sort of water-splashed. She was fighting that sin. What a good lesson for me!

Thank you, Lord, for my wonderful Mom who left me such a legacy. Her life makes me even more excited to enter this great journey of being a mother.


Anonymous said...

Oh Gretchen,
Join us in the family who have loved being a Mom & now Grandmothers. The fear comes because you love someone so much. It is because of this you have to learn to trust God because it is always there. God bless your Mom as you saw this in her life and how she sought God to give her peace. We love you all so much.
Aunt Diane

David and Sharon Taylor said...

Gretchen, I'm sorry to hear that your grandfather passed away, but you're right in that when the person was godly, their funeral can be a celebration of their life.

Your thoughts on your mom are precious. Even though I didn't know her well, I can picture her doing the exact things you described. She was always very kind and friendly to me the few times I was in Danville, and I always think of her when I put the sheets she gave us for our wedding on our bed.

Happy 1st Mother's Day!

Fran R. said...

I thought of your and your family yesterday. I lost my dear sweet mother on Saturday evening. She succomed after being in a coma for 5 days or so. My mom was 91+ years old. She was widowed at 50; She busied herself by becoming a hairdresser, taking care of EVERYBODY, and loving us. One of the twins said that GeeGee was up in heaven talking to Abraham Lincoln. How 'bout that?!

Jason and Andrea said...

Gretchen, my mom was experiencing her first mother's day without her mom too. As I prayed for her, I prayed for you too. What a blessing to have such wonderful memories!

We are so excited to meet your little one!

Tina and Todd said...

Dear Gretchen .... that fear you speak of is such a reality even MORE so after your precious baby is born. I would sit and rock Liam and sob afraid that God was going to take him from me .... a mixture of hormones and just being a mommy and realizing that there is nothing more precious in life your children! I never experienced such love until I held my precious baby ... and it grows stronger every day. You learn to trust God- because you realize you really have no control. Not to be the realist .... just sharing how I felt. And understanding the fear you are feeling - IT IS NORMAL:) Praying for you my friend!

James and Christen said...

We are finally back up on line. I am catching up on your posts. I have been praying for you and the family so often. We love you and are waiting to hear any day of your precious baby's arrival.

Your friend from afar.

Fran R. said...

I love the picture of you being pregnant. You will be a wonderful mother. I wanted to tell you that I,too, lost my mother, only Saturday, May 9. She was 91+ years old and ready to see Jesus. Maybe she is talking to Miss Sue. One of the twins thinks she is speaking with Abe Lincoln. Who knows? He's coming again, Praise the Lord.

Elizabeth said...

Great post Gretchen. You were blessed with a wonderful mom! Your words are very honoring to her memory.
Take it easy and enjoy these last few days of pregnancy. (if you can!!)