I wrote an e-mail to my friend Misty that I felt summed up my spiritual thinking right now so well that I didn't want to attempt to rewrite the same thing, but instead just put it here in its fullness:
"This morning's church was so brilliantly wonderful. I felt like I tasted a drop of the "honey that drips" -- the sweetness of knowing the Lord. I read that Sarah Edwards had moments when she was taken up in spirit into such communion with the Lord that her family and all around her could just see her bliss. It was not a life-long, ongoing thing, which makes me think that there must have been times that she LONGED to have that experience again -- but maybe she was just so contented by the time she truly savored the sweetness of Jesus that she was satisfied with the hum-drum in between. I feel like that is a bit where I am at right now. I don't mean huge, emotional "experiences" (though there certainly is emotion), just a period where the veil is lifted a bit and it all becomes so real, and Christ so precious, that the shadow land seems far away, and you can't even believe that you are brushing your hair out of your face, because why would it matter? Besides today, I had another one of those moments this week during chapel when Piper was speaking. I heard him on Tuesday, and it was great, of course, but on Thursday, the Holy Spirit was just bearing witness to my spirit and the truth was speaking such Rameh to my soul. As we were walking out, Kevin said "I feel like I was just in a trance" -- EXACTLY.
You might assume that such moments might make you utterly dissatisfied with the rest of life, and I admit, I did feel like "I want to go back to Thursday" a couple times since then. But actually, I think that the preciousness of communion with the Spirit is the fact that you feel so committed to counting all things as trash in your life except for Christ. It gives such perspective that it does, in fact, lift the load a bit in the days to follow. HE matters. And really nothing else. So the sun shining down is His kiss upon your head, and the petals falling from the trees are His lashes on your face. He is so real, He is almost touchable. Even now, as I write this, the thought pricks my eyes a bit. I think this is what is meant in the song "I want to know you". Not "know" in an intellectual way -- like "knowing Theology" somehow compares with "knowing GOD".
I have been wanting to write about this to you. Not that I have anything I need to hear back from you on it, but because I just wanted to talk about it somehow."
I feel the same with you, my blogging friends. I wanted to write about this not to have to hear feedback, but just because I wanted to talk about how precious my relationship with Christ is (do you know when you are infatuated with somebody romantically and you just are happy to have anybody listen to you talk about him/her? It's sort of like that). The quiet calm that contents me as I consider Him in His beauty is like "the honey that drips" -- a taste is so sweet, it truly satisfies.