For years, my biggest sin struggle has been discontentment. Mentally, I could boil it down to mainly being discontent because I was not a mom, or had to work full time, or whatever (you know and I know that the problem is not my circumstances, but stick with me here). This sin would manifest itself in my comparing myself with others, jealousy and complaining (sometimes just inside). So, imagine my foolish heart thinking that NOW that I have a baby on the way, this sin would just evaporate! You are now all saying what I've realized myself: "Yeah, RIGHT!"
Now I have NEW things to compare, NEW things to be jealous over. It's the age-old sin, with new room to breathe and new problems to encounter. I can now compare myself to other pregnant women who weren't sick, yet gained hardly any weight during their first trimester (how do you puke your guts out and GAIN 10 pounds?), or those who are farther along in their pregnancy, or those looking forward to staying at home. The green monster rears his ugly head again, and I see that killing this sin will be a life-long battle. It is certainly not over just because my circumstances have changed.
The Lord graciously reminded me of how ungrateful I have been, and how quickly I can take His blessing for granted. Tuesday night I had a very vivid bad dream. In my dream I was crying out to God and asking Him to help me trust Him. When I woke up yesterday morning, I was so shaken by my dream, and relieved that it was not real, it drove me to my quiet time with Him, where He fed and comforted my soul with His Word. It's amazing how a different Psalm each day can reflect how you are feeling!
So I see that this sin I have let lie dormant is quite alive, and I need now to re-engage in the battle. What a mental battle it is! Oh Lord, You are my portion forever, may I delight in Your will.